


Timestamp: Half Agony, Half Hope

by Annie D (scaramouche)



Series: Half Agony, Half Hope [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Nightmares, Steve POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:43:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scaramouche/pseuds/Annie%20D
Summary: A coda forHalf Agony, Half Hopefrom Steve's POV.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Half Agony, Half Hope [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194539
Comments: 36
Kudos: 199
Collections: Scaramouche's Bite-Sized Prompt Ficlets





	Timestamp: Half Agony, Half Hope

Sometimes Steve dreams that he came back to an Earth where Tony doesn’t exist.

Not that Tony died while Steve was away, but that he never existed at all. Years of Steve pretending that Tony doesn’t exist has, in dreams, manifested as a reality in and of itself – where in sleep Steve returns and finally opens the eye he’d kept shut for so long, only to find that there’s nothing to see. Tony… isn’t. No one knows him, there’s no evidence he ever was, and whenever Steve tries to describe Tony to someone, the words can’t come.

It’s a nightmare, of course. Steve had them sometimes while he was away, but they tended to be about close calls in battle; never about Tony. When he _did_ dream of Tony, said dreams were pleasant, though the details of them hazy, and Steve normally woke up annoyed and aching for a missing limb.

So it’s funny, really, that Steve only started having nightmares about Tony after he came back to Earth and actually _did_ see him again. In fact, that first nightmare hit the night after he read Tony’s redacted personnel file, with all its colorful details of Stane’s betrayal and the surgeries that saved Tony’s life. The details of that night’s dream are gone, but Steve remembers the feeling of helplessness, and of Tony turned nebulous and out of reach, like smoke between his fingers.

They’re together now, he and Tony.

 _Back_ together, though it’s not really a reprise of what they once had. They’re different people now, and though they have a better understanding of who the other person used to be, they now have the wonderful nitty gritty work ahead of them to learn who they are now, and what they can be in the future.

Steve is happy, and thankful beyond words for the second chance. Hence the strangeness of him having recurring dreams of Tony not existing. Once, twice, a third time—

The fourth, he snaps awake from it with a gasp. Tonight his throat feels thick, as though he’d been about to shout something. But whatever it was, it’s immediately forgotten, because Tony is right here with him. Tony, who is possibly most real person Steve will ever know, is halfway under the covers, and is speaking to him.

“Just a dream,” Tony’s saying quietly. One of his hands brushes Steve’s face, and Steve turns into the touch so eagerly that Tony immediately starts petting him. The slow strokes along Steve’s temple and hairline has Steve sighing, and the sound almost drowns out Tony’s murmurs of, “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Steve is far from fully awake, so it takes him a moment to realize that Tony thinks he must’ve been dreaming of war and violence. He should correct him, but he’s too shaken, too tired, too _relieved_ – so all he can do is cling onto Tony’s wrist in trying to reorient himself to the world where Tony is here, with him.

“There we go.” Tony pulls the covers up to Steve’s shoulders, which is a feat in itself considering that Steve’s clinging onto Tony’s hand. But Tony manages, and makes himself comfortable underneath said covers with Steve, tucking himself close enough that his feet tangle with Steve’s.

A kiss lands on Steve’s cheek, close to where Steve’s lips are still parted around steadying breaths. It feels wonderful at the first, but that’s followed by the sleep-disoriented thought that he shouldn’t be asking for comfort from Tony. It’s wrong, somehow, to demand such things from Tony when Steve’s been… something. He can’t grasp the fine logic of it, but a sense of unfairness – and of justice not yet served – permeates the whole thought.

Steve says none of this out loud, but distress must be visible on his face because Tony makes a sound that’s fond and soft, and amused, maybe? It’s not an unhappy sound, which is the main thing. Steve finds himself calming, and calms even more when Tony tucks his face by Steve’s chin. Tony’s fingers – the set that Steve isn’t clutching to his chest – rub soothing pressure at the back of Steve’s neck.

“Tony.” Steve’s tongue is sleep-thick. “Move in with me? Here?”

“I don’t _always_ sleep late,” Tony replies.

“No, it’s.” Steve tries to open his eyes, but the effort to do so seems insurmountable. “Feels more like home when you’re here.”

In the pause that follows, dismay slowly seeps into Steve’s brain – a remnant of the nightmare, maybe. He’s rarely been able to do things by halves, and that includes bearing the sheer scope of _emotion_ that Tony inspires in him. That’s not always a good thing – he’d asked Tony to marry him before either of them were ready, for example, and there’s a lesson in there that Steve’s still trying to learn. Sometimes courage is in _not_ taking the daring wild leap out ahead, but bearing the smaller steps right in front of you.

But Tony says, “Okay. I’ll move in.” He has that voice, the pleased one he uses whenever he’s tricked something out of Steve. Not that there’s any trickery involved here tonight; just sleep-addled honesty. “We can talk about it in the morning.”

“Thank you.” Steve exhales, and his breath puffs against Tony’s hair, which tickles his chin. “I appreciate that you’re real.”

“Oh, okay,” Tony says with a laugh, “that is going to be some conversation tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally [posted on tumblr.](https://no-gorms.tumblr.com/post/644728139822596096/hi-annie-hope-work-is-easing-up-would-you-ever)


End file.
